TRANSFORMING YOUR CONNECTION

Do you long to step away from the busyness and focus on what is of true value?

do you hear a calling to return to your wise and open motherly heart and to inspire emotional intelligence in the next generation?

I invite you on a journey to integrate new ways of parenting, a journey that rewards you with a deeper connection with yourself and your child.

Karen x
01.

CONNECTION WITH YOURSELF

The hidden gift for you.  

 Motherhood comes with a gift often missed, the gift to re-parent ourselves.  Our children hold up mirrors for us to see all those parts that have not yet been healed,  and we have a choice, to suffer alone in solitude or to be courageous (and vulnerable) enough to share our experience and transform from it.   This is an invitation to heal those uncomfortable, often buried, feelings that need kindness and understanding.  An invitation to love our authentic, beautifully imperfect, messy selves.

Motherhood, whilst precious, also stretches us mentally, physically and emotionally and thus necessitates self-care that nurtures us on all those levels.  We all know that self-care is necessary, the benefit of coaching is in addressing the practical and psychological barriers that get in the way of applying it.   The gift that transpires is an increase in our level of self-awareness and presence.

02.

CONNECTION WITH YOUR CHILD

The hidden gift for your child.  

 Our cultural definition of success in parenting often revolves around academic achievement.  There is though, a higher predictor of happiness, emotional intelligence (EQ).  I believe we can model and interact in a way that develops our children’s ability to navigate their feelings, regulate their emotions, peacefully resolve conflicts and have a growth-mindset to bring resilience to challenges.  This modelling requires us to tenderly & courageously bring awareness to our disconnecting habits with fierce self-compassion.     

For example, to promote self-esteem and EQ we need to bring awareness to our habitual patterns that may, when triggered, involve negating our child’s opinion or reprimanding them for expressing their emotions.  By replacing strategies that control behaviour (through manipulations such as threats and rewards), to communicating in a way that connects and respects both of our needs and feelings; we can support our child with the lifelong gift of social-emotional intelligence and more connection in their future relationships.   

Changing relationship habits held for decades takes courage, patience, commitment and support.  This course will guide you through methodically and compassionately, allowing you to fully integrate each step fully before moving on.   I believe through this authentic communication we are rewarded with a deeper relationship with our children, with more mutual respect and co-operation and more enjoyment of this precious time.  We are not aiming for perfection, we can grow with our children and in doing so model humility.

03.

The Modules

CONNECTION WITH YOURSELF

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Radical Self-Care

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Mindfulness

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Minimalism & Simplicity

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Emotional Regulation

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Radical Self-Care

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Mindfulness

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Minimalism & Simplicity

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Emotional Regulation

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Radical Self-Care

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Mindfulness

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Minimalism & Simplicity

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Emotional Regulation

There is more to radical self-care than pampering yourself in reaction to running on empty.

It is having regular practices that support you physically, mentally and emotionally so that you can parent sustainably from a place of wholeness.

Simply put, this is re-parenting yourself.

“True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from.” 

Brianna Wiest, author of 'The Awakening Mind'.

We introduce self-monitoring practises which focus attention to your own internal barometers.  

Are you responding or reacting?

Are you relying on caffeine/alcohol?

Are you using distractions like social media rather than facing your issues?

How do you feel when you wake up?

You will be supported to integrate each step and to identify the practical and emotional barriers that make self-care seem so elusive.

The key is to set up ongoing emotional, physical and mental support so that it is integrated, sustainable and regular.

Whilst mindfulness may sound woolly, the short regular practices you will integrate are grounded in neurology. 

Simply put, we are moving from an emotionally reactive part of the brain, to a calmer more empathic and reasoning part.

 Improving our self-awareness and presence is achievable by stepping back from our busy minds and into our bodies.

This will help greatly with emotional regulation we are more likely to notice the physiological warnings signs of triggers and defuse them. 

As you build a regular practice of sitting with your (often uncomfortable) feelings and thoughts you will become witness to your own inner-dialogue and begin to develop more awareness and self-compassion.

In getting familiar with our own uncomfortable feelings we will be able to temporarily sit with them when our children are struggling and need us.

Self-compassion is the braking system on the cycle of being emotionally reactive and berating yourself with guilt.

Remember you cannot have an inner dialogue founded in judgements and criticisms then expect to be able to positively communicate with your child.

You cannot give what you do not have, and that is true of self-worth, self-love & self-compassion.

Parenting is the real spiritual practice.

It is one thing to sit on your cushion and meditate peacefully at the top of a mountain for days on end, an honour I have experienced and perhaps you have too. 

However, to get up in the morning, day after day, year after year and practice empathy and compassion for yourself, as well as your children - that, to me, is the real spiritual practice!

Minimalism has so much more depth than simply decluttering. 

It is slowing down enough to capture your dreams, then having the conviction to prioritise them above all the other "necessities".  

It is living life on your terms.

“Imagine a life with less, less hurrying, toys, less stress, a life with fewer distractions.  Now imagine a life with more, more time to play, more space, more connection with your children & more contentment.”

Inspired and adapted from 'Minimalism: A Documentary'

With smartphones & social media grappling for your attention, you have to be a warrior to live life on your terms.

We look at practical ways to create more space for what is deeply important to you and your family by creating

space in your schedule

space in your mind &

space in your environment.

This course provides a pause, a space to breathe and to step back from the constant juggling and endless to do list.

A space to consciously align what you want is deeply important to you and your family during this precious time of motherhood and childhood.

We know that what we model, our children will copy.  How we respond when stressed or triggered will become their future script for relating to their emotions.

The good news is that we don't need to model perfection, we can grow with our children and model humility, self-compassion and a growth mindset along the journey. 

We delve into anger with kindness and curiosity.  

The groups are designed to be small, closed and confidential.  This is a safe space that welcomes all your messiness. 

 If you have the courage to be vulnerable and share your journey, the weight of shame in your imperfections lifts and transforms over time into self-compassion and growth.

We delve into the neurology and physiology of triggers. 

In learning how to manage your anger at its different stages you will not only be able to diffuse it or redirect it but to listen to its messages with self-compassion.

You will be guided on how to process challenges and how to find the source of your triggers and you will be supported to face and heal old wounds.

Parenting is an emotional journey and so we set you up with an ongoing space for regular 1-1 emotional support with another parent that continues long after the course finishes. 

You will not suddenly avoid your "triggers" but you will learn to identify them, respond and recover from them more quickly and insight.

Sometimes our connection to our child can get a little lost or strained.

For us maybe the challenging aspects of parenting such as the financial challenges, the ongoing chores, the juggling or the lack of sleep can crowd out the joy and the wonderment.

For your child it could be a reaction to the arrival of new siblings or struggling with a specific daily activity like getting out of the door.

It can become a vicious cycle. As disconnect increases, your child's reactions become stronger (their call for help getting louder), we become more stressed and the distance grows causing more fear in your child and bigger reactions.

How do you transform “challenging and uncooperative” behaviour without bribes, threats or punishments?

By connecting, because connection is the key to co-operation.

More importantly, cooperation from an intrinsic, self-motivated place in your child as a result of them feeling closer to you.  NOT externally forced cooperation based on fear or rewards.

You will learn simple, effective tools to help you re-connect with your child and shift difficult situations into a place of harmony, understanding how and when to use each tool. 

You will also come away with the knowledge and confidence to parent from a place of connection, with sustainable practises that regularly nurture that most precious bond.

More importantly, this will bring back the joy and wonderment of these precious years.    

You may wonder: why do you need tools? 

To answer this, you need to understand how your child’s brain works. When your child feels disconnected, there is NO point in communicating with words.  They literally cannot hear you because the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain for reasoning, logic, and impulse control) is simply NOT engaged. 

For it to re-engage and for your child to be able to hear you, they need to feel safe and connected - and that’s where these tools come in. They forge a path to help you re-establish that connection.

Authentic communication focuses on relationship over behaviour. 

A behavioural approach uses manipulations such as punishments and rewards to control behaviour, whilst a relational approach builds trust, cooperation and emotional intelligence.

You cannot regularly shame your child or negate their opinion, then expect good self-worth.

You cannot direct or appraise your child's learning as well as preserve their innate self-motivation.

You cannot reprimand your child for expressing their emotions (through their whining, crying, tantrums etc), then expect emotional intelligence.

My approach is inspired by NVC (Non-Violent Communication) which has a language needs and feelings and is based on the assumptions that everyone's needs matter.

We start off with respectful communication with infants, then move to toddlers with a more simplified application of NVC.  Then as your children's language skills grow we are entering a full dialogue founded in respect, trust and connection.

Often, as our child's age-appropriate need for autonomy grows our ego faces the necessary and tricky process letting go of control.  

My approach, as always, is also grounded in neurology.

A behavioural approach is based in the limbic system which stimulates either fear of punishment or feeds the pleasure reward circuits.  This wires the brain to become emotionally reactive.

In contrast, a relational approach develops your child's intrinsic competencies in the pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that deals with empathy, reasoning, logic and complex problem-solving.

A behavioural approach uses manipulations such as bribes, threats, punishments or repetition to control behaviour.  Remember, threats can be as subtle as a strong tone of voice or a stern look.  Yes, this produces short-term compliance, unfortunately, it also leads to mistrust and disconnection. 

Authentic & respectful communication focuses on relationship over behaviour.  It builds trust and connection, leading in the long term to more self-motivated cooperation.  A relational approach builds emotional intelligence for your child, giving them social and emotional skills for life.

EQ is a higher predictor of happiness than IQ.

Every challenge of difficult emotion your child faces offers an opportunity for you to empower them with strategies that will support them on their lifelong journey.

We now know that the way to help a child develop optimally is to help create connections in her brain—her whole brain—that develop skills that lead to better relationships, better mental health, and more meaningful lives. You could call it brain sculpting, or brain nourishing, or brain building. Whatever phrase you prefer, the point is crucial and thrilling: as a result of the words we use and the actions we take, children’s brains will actually change, and be built, as they undergo new experiences. 

Dr Dan J Seigel, author of 'No-Drama Discipline'.

So how do you develop your child’s emotional intelligence?

Primarily, we will focus on developing your child's emotional literacy, a vocabulary to name their emotions.  This is the first step towards their self-regulation.

We also bring in mindfulness practises you can do as part of your daily interactions that will develop their self-awareness.

Secondly, their emotions need to be heard and acknowledged.

Expression of emotions may look like crying, whining, moaning, shouting or tantrums and we, as parents, have unconscious habitual responses that suppress these.  By bringing awareness to these habits, we can transition to simply hearing and acknowledging.

We can use a more reflective dialogue that supports our children to process and release their feelings.

Finally, we will touch on the development of social and emotional skills.

This is a huge topic, we start by clarifying your role in conflict resolution, from infant sharing issues to sibling battles so that you move away from being a referee to empowering them with the skills to resolve their own challenges.

We will look at how to encourage cooperation and compromise, as well as other positive traits such as empathy and gratitude.

We will also learn about Growth Mindset.

A growth mindset is an approach that can be taught based on the understanding that skills can be developed through effort.  It encourages a positive approach to learning and resilience and persistence in the face of challenges.

Versus a fixed mindset, (often caused by praising results over effort) that creates a more static, risk-averse approach to life.

 

"When we adults think of children there is a simple truth that we ignore: childhood is not preparation for life; childhood is life. A child isn't getting ready to live; a child is living. No child will miss the zest and joy of living unless these are denied by adults who have convinced themselves that childhood is a period of preparation. How much heartache we would save ourselves if we would recognize children as partners with adults in the process of living, rather than always viewing them as apprentices. How much we could teach each other; we have the experience and they have the freshness. How full both our lives could be."  

John A. Taylor, author of 'Notes on an Unhurried Journey'.

In this workshop, we will review how infants are born self-motivated and capable of directing their own learning. 

This for me is key because once this belief is solidified, our role changes from a teacher to a facilitator and observer. 

When our objective is to preserve this love of learning and self-motivation, our approach to education becomes much clearer.

"Children come into the world exquisitely designed, and strongly motivated, to educate themselves.  They don't need to be forced to learn; in fact, coercion undermines their natural desire to learn."  

Peter Gray, author of 'Free to Learn'.

You cannot direct or appraise your child's learning as well as preserve their innate self-motivation.

We will look at the range of approaches and possibilities:

From a structured Homeschooling approach to a spectrum of autonomous approaches such as Unschooling, Radical Unschooling and Worldschooling.

I would also like to inspire you with some insight into the Reggio Emilia, child-led approach to learning.

"It is not simply a choice about your child's education.  It is a choice for a childhood abundant in freedom, play and nature.  It is a choice to trust & preserve their innate love of learning by respecting their unique, unhurried path.  It is a choice for their authentic voice, unhindered by judgements and comparisons."  

Karen Pike on Home Education.

Finally, we look at the basics of deregistering and review the legally defined role of your school and local authority and your rights as a parent. 

You will be provided with links to supportive and expert resources who have helplines and pre-formatted correspondence for this process. 

We will look at how to support your child through their transition from the education system, a process known as deschooling.

As a home-schooling parent myself, I will support you with: some of the factors in weighing up your decision, the joys and the challenges and what it can look like on a daily basis.  I will share how to build a community around you for mutual support and key socialisation.

Deciding whether or not to home educate is a very personal and complex decision that will have a huge effect on you, your family and your lifestyle.

I

Building Connection

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Emotional Intelligence

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Communication

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How Children Learn

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Building Connection

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Emotional Intelligence

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Mindful Communication

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How Children Learn

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Building Connection

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Mindful Communication

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Emotional Intelligence

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How Children Learn

CONNECTION WITH YOUR CHILD

The Invitation

As we are compassionate with ourselves,
we are compassionate with our children.

As we are present with ourselves,
we are present with our children.

As we speak to ourselves,
we speak to our children.

As we connect to ourselves,
we connect to our children.

As we parent ourselves,
we parent our children.

04.

THE OPTIONS

COURSE STARTING OCTOBER 2020

LIMITED SPACES – BOOK NOW

Dates and times to suit you – please read “When does the course run” in the FAQ below.

OPTION I

STANDARD OPTION

12 Week Audio Program

All the content of Transforming Your Connection in a convenient audible format that you can download and listen to at your convenience.

12 weekly audio recordings

Further Reading Resources

Practical Exercises

£245

Select payment option to purchase.

OPTION II

PREMIUM OPTION

12 Week Audio Program

+ Monthly Coaching Call

Get monthly 1-1 support and all your questions answered on a closed and regular group coaching call.

12 Week audio programme

plus

6 x monthly group calls via video conference

Closed group of 3 clients

90 Minute call

£495

Select payment option to purchase.

OPTION III

GOLD OPTION

Weekly Coaching for 6 Months

Journey together in a small intimate group with a focus on fully embodying and slowly integrating each step of the program.  

26 x weekly group calls via video conference

Closed group of 3 clients

60 MINUTE CALL

SOME WEEKS WILL BE CONTENT, OTHERS Q&A

Further Reading Resources

Practical Exercises

£995

Select payment option to purchase.

05.

YOUR QUESTIONS

Please get in touch with any other questions or concerns – I am happy to have a complimentary 1-1 chat to assess the best support for you.

what are the benefits of coaching?

Whilst articles and short webinars……..caprovide good information they do not help you with integration.  For that, you need to look at what gets in the way practically and what are the resistances emotionally to applying the tools.

Whilst articles and short webinars…….. may offer positive communication insights they do not integrate the physical, emotional and mental self-care needed to give you the presence and energy to apply the communication.

Whilst articles and short webinars……offer insights into triggers they do not offer the 1-1 dialogue that supports the feeling, understanding and eventual healing of those old wounds. A healing journey, that I feel, is the hidden gift of parenting.

Whilst articles and short webinars are free. I ask you this, if you were investing in a new 18-year career would you just read snippets or would you invest and get on a focused training course?

 

You will be encouraged to dig deep, this is an opportunity to heal those uncomfortable, often buried, feelings that need kindness and understanding, an opportunity for growth and transformation.  

what are the benefits of coaching?

Whilst articles and short webinars……..can provide good information they do not help you with integration.  For that, you need to look at what gets in the way practically and what are the resistances emotionally to applying the tools.

Whilst articles and short webinars…….. may offer positive communication insights they do not integrate the physical, emotional and mental self-care needed to give you the presence and energy to apply the communication.

Whilst articles and short webinars……offer insights into triggers they do not offer the 1-1 dialogue that supports the feeling, understanding and eventual healing of those old wounds. A healing journey, that I feel, is the hidden gift of parenting.

Whilst articles and short webinars are free. I ask you this, if you were investing in a new 18-year career would you just read snippets or would you invest and get on a focused training course?

Whilst there is no external employer and no income the benefits are higher – your enjoyment of these short precious years, your opportunity for growth and healing, higher emotional intelligence of your children (and future generations) and your deeper connection with them.

 

In the group calls you will be encouraged to dig deep, this is an opportunity to heal those uncomfortable, often buried, feelings that need kindness and understanding, an opportunity for growth and transformation.  You will be strongly held by our small intimate group, including personal support from myself.

HOW DOES VIDEO CONFERENCING WORK?

(For group calls) We use a technology, called Zoom, that allows us all to see each other on the screen so we can form an intimate and supportive group.  You don’t need to do anything technical, I promise, you would just click on an internet link that I send you and I will be at the other end to guide you through the rest.  Let me know if you have any concerns on this and we can easily do a quick zoom session to put your mind at rest.

how did you price the course?

Ask yourself this – what is of true value to you on this precious journey of motherhood?  What is your heart longing for?

We are quick as a culture to invest thousands in a new career and yet are often reluctant to invest in our 18+ year parenting journey – why is this?  What price can you put on connection?

I would also encourage you to research other courses, they do not offer the hours of 1-1 coaching and often they neglect the focus on self-care, which then makes the connection with our children harder to integrate.

My heart and soul go into this work along with many hours of behind the scenes activity that need to be balanced in the price of the courses and consultations.  This includes:-

  • Years of research, reading, regular parenting conferences to understand the latest research, courses such as Hand in Hand and NVC (non-violent communication).
  • Learning the tech, maintaining and updating – Website (building, hosting), email accounts, mailing lists (including GDPR, data protection policies), video conferencing, business banking, business Paypal, business accounts and tax returns.
  • Marketing – including festival applications and liaison, preparation for talks, online articles, free webinars, free downloads, social media, graphics, flyer design, printing and distributing.  Client liaison. 
WHEN DOES THE COURSE RUN?

For the group calls (which are closed groups limited to 3 participants) we have the flexibility to work out the best time and weekday to meet regularly.  

WHAT CHALLENGES WILL THIS COURSE SOLVE?

FOR YOU

    • Is self-care elusive?
    • Does it get lost in the to-do list?
    • Are you stressed & reactive?
    • Are you exhausted from constant juggling?
    • Are you stuck in a cycle of being reactive then berating yourself with guilt?
    • Are you relying on caffeine, wine, social media as a way to avoid your issues?
    • Do you want to respond differently but find yourself reacting?
    • Are you feeling unsupported?

FOR YOUR CHILD

 

    • Do you find yourself saying “No!” a lot?
    • Do you want to communicate positively but fall back on rewards or punishments in the face of your child’s “No”?
    • Do you want to parent unconditionally but find yourself falling back to way you were parented?
    • Do you want to engage in a way that increases your connection but find yourself using disconnecting tools (stern look, strong tone, threats)?
    • Do you love the sound of NVC (Non-Violent Communication) but get lost in the application or the words?
    • Are you confused by the difference between positive communication and permissive parenting?
    • Are you struggling to get your partner on board with your approach?
WHAT CHALLENGES WILL THIS COURSE ADDRESS

FOR YOU

    • Is self-care elusive?
    • Does it get lost in the to-do list?
    • Are you stressed & reactive?
    • Are you exhausted from constant juggling?
    • Are you stuck in a cycle of being reactive then berating yourself with guilt?
    • Are you relying on caffeine, wine, social media as a way to avoid your issues?
    • Do you want to respond differently but find yourself reacting?
    • Are you feeling unsupported?

FOR YOUR CHILD

    • Do you find yourself saying “No!” a lot?
    • Do you want to communicate positively but fall back on rewards or punishments in the face of your child’s “No”?
    • Do you want to parent unconditionally but find yourself falling back to way you were parented?
    • Do you want to engage in a way that increases your connection but find yourself using disconnecting tools (stern look, strong tone, threats)?
    • Do you love the sound of NVC but get lost in the application or the words?
    • Are you confused by the difference between positive communication and permissive parenting?
    • Are you struggling to get your partner on board with your approach?
what commitment will i need to make

I want to be upfront about the commitment you will need to make this worth your while.  Simply put, the more you put in – the more you get out.  At the minimum I would recommend: 

  • 1 hour per week for a 1-1 support call with another parent.
  • 30 minutes per day for connecting practices with your child.
  • 30 minute per day for connecting practices with yourself.

We ease this in gently, working on navigating practical and emotional resistances and communication with your family to make this workable.

I feel vulnerable sharing on a video?

I understand, let me offer an insight from Brene Brown: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

The reason I only take 3 clients in a closed call is so that we can build the bond of trust, develop a confidential and safe space.  This allows us to build up the courage to be vulnerable with each other and grow in a nurturing, held space.  

I am here to support, to understand and to empower you.  Feel free to read about the experience of other mothers.  (Read more here).

I was so deeply touched by Karen’s heartfelt empathy and presence….

I felt acknowledged, heard and safe to share….

I enjoyed Karen’s calm and sensitive way of talking…..

…..so empowering me at a time I felt weak. 

her passion and kindness can provide nourishment for many a growing mother….

I am unsure, what are my options?

You can book a free, no-obligation 1-1 chat to see how I can best support you, to ask questions or to raise concerns here.

You can follow updates and posts on social media (by clicking on the icon in the footer below) or via my mailing list by clicking here.

You can sign up for free webinars to get to know me listed here.

Read about the experiences of other mothers here.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

CONNECT

I would love to hear from you. 

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